LOVE OR NOT
LOVE OR NOT
Have you ever been in a situation where you’re confused, wondering whether it’s love or not?In recent times, it has really become difficult to differentiate what love is from what it’s not.
Often times, people get into undefined relationships and along the line, they start to wonder what they’re really into.
Differentiating love from lust can be pretty difficult sometimes. Especially because you can find features of both in both – what I mean is, it is very possible to find some features of lust in a love committed relationship and vise versa.
Let’s start by understanding what both terms means;
LUST is purely a sexual attraction towards someone or a partner.
LOVE is a deep or strong likeness towards someone. It can also be said to be a tender vulnerable feeling of compassion or passion towards someone.
WHAT IS SIMILAR BETWEEN LUST AND LOVE
Love and lust are driven by attraction.
Yes, lust is basically about being sexually attracted to someone but that feeling can’t be totally taken out of a love committed relationship. Even if you’re in a relationship where you both decide to be celibate till marriage, which is beautiful, you can’t rule out the fact that you may be sexual attracted to that person. Well If you’re not I think it’s a problem.
When you’re in love with someone, there’s the tendency of longing to hold this person and all that mushy mushy feelings. Some relationship experts refer to this as infatuation or attraction – and it has been said to be experienced more at the early stage of a romantic relationship.
I think we should establish the fact that being sexually attracted to someone you’re in a relationship with isn’t totally a bad place to be in – it is an okay feeling but if it’s not controlled, it could lead to an addiction and slowly destroy something that would have been beautiful.
However, love is attracted to so many other things than your body. Love is attracted to your personality, values you two may share, your passion and so many other things that makes you you.
Love and lust both want to spend time
Because lust acts according to how it feels – to burn it’s sextual desires, it just want to spend time touching, kissing and cuddling all day.
Love is interested in spending time knowing and finding you. It wants to talk with you. It wants shares special moments, vulnerable and secret things with you.
In most lusty relationships, partners don’t talk about anything – they have no knowledge about whatever may be happening in the other person’s life and they may not care to know, all it seeks is it’s sextual satisfaction.
WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT LUST AND LOVE
- Lust lacks self-control, love respects boundaries.
- One can liken lust as being selfish – because it is aimed at satisfying it’s sexual desires or urge. But love compromises, it listens to each other’s needs.
- Lust has no plan for the future. Love plans for the future, it invest in each other, it wants to see the other person grow.
- Love is intentional.
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF IT’S LOVE
Try answering the following questions honestly…..
- Examine what you spend time doing most. Do you have future plans together?
- How often or long do you talk to each other?
- What do you even talk about?
- How well do you know your partner?
- Are you adding value or is value being add to you?
CAN A LUSTY RELATIONSHIP LED TO LOVE
If both partners are able to identify that they’re in a lusty relationship and are willing to work it into a love based relationship, it’s very possible. The fact that you want to make things work out it’s a good sign that you two can control those burning desires.
Here are some tips that can help you overcome a lusty relationship;
- Talk about it. You can’t solve a problem without first communicating with your partner about it.
- Talk, talk and keep talking with each other.
- Set boundaries for yourselves.
- Come up with fun things to do that doesn’t involve physical touch.
- Spend more time outdoors than indoors.
- Try sacrificing for your partner.